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Literature Text
If I’d disappear in the middle of the night
Like a silent whisper caught into howling wind
Forever out of reach, forever out of sight.
Much like a tree in winter I slowly wither – but do not die.
I’d be the fleeting smoke from your blown out candlelight.
Would you still utter words as I’m floating away from all reality?
As I find myself here and now, contemplating this fake suicide.
Will you be the escape pod that shoots me into a celestial sky, away from all those chains that shackle me.
Away from myself, my former me.. It feels much like dying, this change that I’m trying.
Perhaps you could cut me free from all transparency, from delusional thoughts and fake reality.
Tear me from limb to limb until you can tear no more.
And as this pain increases and everything ceases to exist, I’m reborn and break free from this mist.
Like a silent whisper caught into howling wind
Forever out of reach, forever out of sight.
Much like a tree in winter I slowly wither – but do not die.
I’d be the fleeting smoke from your blown out candlelight.
Would you still utter words as I’m floating away from all reality?
As I find myself here and now, contemplating this fake suicide.
Will you be the escape pod that shoots me into a celestial sky, away from all those chains that shackle me.
Away from myself, my former me.. It feels much like dying, this change that I’m trying.
Perhaps you could cut me free from all transparency, from delusional thoughts and fake reality.
Tear me from limb to limb until you can tear no more.
And as this pain increases and everything ceases to exist, I’m reborn and break free from this mist.
Feedback and comments are much appreciated!
A little extra information : Yes - this is indeed how I sometimes feel.. my apathy is ruining my life and I feel like trying to change it is like killing myself.
As if I'm blocking out and removing some parts of me, only to be reborn, to be free and new.
1. What did you think of it?
2. Did the message convey properly?
3. What is your own struggle in life - do you sometimes lay awake thinking about it?
A little extra information : Yes - this is indeed how I sometimes feel.. my apathy is ruining my life and I feel like trying to change it is like killing myself.
As if I'm blocking out and removing some parts of me, only to be reborn, to be free and new.
1. What did you think of it?
2. Did the message convey properly?
3. What is your own struggle in life - do you sometimes lay awake thinking about it?
© 2012 - 2024 PuzzledHeartBox
Comments45
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique Impact1. What did you think of it?
I thought it was deep - it was relatable in so many ways, but deep; which meant it could take double meaning, and hence had a two way flow to it.
2. Did the message convey properly?
Its a melancholic cry for someone to give the writer a listen - to hark at his weeping moans before he becomes a fleeting smoke from a blown out candlelight.
3. What is your own struggle in life - do you sometimes lay awake thinking about it?
To be honest, I become a variety of emotions: anger, hatred, agonizing disregard, and then just when it turns unbearable, I start weeping.