Sta.sh
If my immortal heart wouldn’t waver with every sad predicament
Would the world still keep on turning, would it still revolve eventful and free
Would my heart, steadfast and strong, still beat in utmost harmony?
Its bittersweet duet of a bluebird’s joyous song,
Combined with the nightingale’s mournful melody.
If love could be unending, would it surpass the tooth of time?
As time itself becomes an unknown word before these vacillating eyes.
Would time still be a ticking clock, would years or ages lose its charms.
As eternity takes me into its arms.
My heart, my love, my immortality..
A curse, an ailment, an unending mockery.
As eternity would hollow out the heavy words,
Rendering them void and light.
So would my heart be burdened underneath this ageless time.
Love would lose its splendorous glamour, as it expresses its fragility.
The once eventful world, would turn no more, at least not for me,
As we become this world’s most pitiful anomaly.
I’d hold you in my undying arms,
As time takes you away from me.
I’ll once again bear this burden - of immortality.
you asked if my answer was based on religion? personally, no. But in case you are curious I am pagan
You took your time to open up to the reader, and made sure this poem would mean a lot to others. I think you had a lot of inspiration for this.
Your very good at writing, and you have a very good flow with your writing. Not many people has the nag to get the flow write so much, but I believe you do.
This poem really touched me and I know it will get to others, it's good to get to people with your work. Even if a person feels happy or sad from your work, it's good, because it shows, you can have impact.
I like the theme and how you have managed the thought of being immortal and the italics add a beautiful touch, like it is the inner person speaking... one that usually does not come out. So a really good piece in my opinion
I would be willing to carry it
the story was clear enough... unless there is a lot more than I saw in love and the passing of time as one keeps on existing.
It depends on what love is for you. Some might debate that since the one you loved is dead, you don't love them anymore. Others may say that we love the dead and shall keep on remembering them (keep on loving them). A counter argument to this is that time will make you forget your love eventually.
Well there is no happy goal remaining... no goal actually. This is a deep discussion and so I won't go in detail. other than growing redwood and see if they live longer than you and count the leaves of it... well there is little to do. So, boredom.
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