First off, there isn’t really a steady flow nor a strict rhyme scheme.. but as we all know a steady fixed rhyme scheme isn’t always needed. Alas the flow however didn’t really do it for me.
You are somehow idolizing cutting/self-mutilation it sounds much like a psychopath and less than an actually person who is suffering and cuts for that reason, but more as if the person is a sadomasochist. Not sure if you tried to take the theme out of its dark and dreadful setting and create something humorous with it. But it didn’t really convey that way. Though you've kind of nailed a disturbing side of the individual.
To me it sounded much more like ignorance, the fact you didn’t look at it hard enough, you did however portray the addiction, the love and need for it. So I’ll give you points for that.
All by all it’s a decent work, though I would have enjoyed a more steady flow and a bigger/better displayed context.
Sta.sh
First off, there isn’t really a steady flow nor a strict rhyme scheme.. but as we all know a steady fixed rhyme scheme isn’t always needed. Alas the flow however didn’t really do it for me.
You are somehow idolizing cutting/self-mutilation it sounds much like a psychopath and less than an actually person who is suffering and cuts for that reason, but more as if the person is a sadomasochist. Not sure if you tried to take the theme out of its dark and dreadful setting and create something humorous with it. But it didn’t really convey that way.
Though you've kind of nailed a disturbing side of the individual.
To me it sounded much more like ignorance, the fact you didn’t look at it hard enough, you did however portray the addiction, the love and need for it. So I’ll give you points for that.
All by all it’s a decent work, though I would have enjoyed a more steady flow and a bigger/better displayed context.